I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
