I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
