I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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