someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
