ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
