I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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