I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
