oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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