Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
