once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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