yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
