My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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