I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
