Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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