Apparently you make a good broom.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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