Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
