So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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