He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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