I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
