Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
