i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
