I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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