i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
