genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
