whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize