You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
