The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
