I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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