I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
