I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
