so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She needs sedatives and a leash
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
