I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
