I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
my liver is dry heaving
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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