alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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