This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
