I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
