He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
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