my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
