im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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