Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What a dumb baby whore.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
