The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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