you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
