don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
