Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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