Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
