I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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