Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
