I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize