How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am puke
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have fence marks all over my body
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
