and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
