Jerry, you need to find god
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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