Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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