haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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