i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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