"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
