Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well I just put wine in my tea
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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