Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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