It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
