dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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