did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
