That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
