so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
