is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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