well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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