my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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