she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize