Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
