I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
