I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
