If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
