How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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