i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
