We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
