I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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