Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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