I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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