the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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