She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
