Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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