whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
