The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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