I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
