We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
