Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
