My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
